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Building A Life You Love, Or Building a Prison to Keep You From it?

Building is Building.

We’re either building a life we love, or building a prison to keep us from it!

All of us have some fear or other and we find excuses to avoid dealing with them – UNTIL the point comes when we’ve decided we’ve had enough.

Or… we get comfortable making the excuses and living the life we have grown accustomed to- decorating or little prisons and making them look pretty, wondering every now and then what life is like outside. Maybe being grateful for the walls that keep us ‘safe’ and the odd bit of sunshine that peeps though, lighting up the little Hobbit Hole of the comfort zone – so comfortably resided within.

The funny and wonderful thing is- that dependent on which is stronger at the time (the fear) the or the willingness to just be over it – dictates our actions.

It’s as if a pot of gold is awaiting us over a wall, and our willingness to take a few jumps, scrapes and break a few bones in order to get over it – is the deciding action.

If like me- you are what my husband and father describe as head strong (stubborn to the point of disbelief) you may treat like something like this – keep running and jumping breaking bones, getting ladders, a few sledge hammers a wrecking ball and everything one can throw at it – in order to break that thing down.

Frankly its exhausting, sometimes fun, the challenge can be a huge driver and the like but also will blindly lead you to more broken bones and pain than necessary too.


You may decide that the gold really isn’t that important (I’ve done this too). You may just decide that you are rich in other ways.

The gold nonetheless sitting there untouched, nags away every now and then. The idea of it being sat there, untouched, gathering dust, being enjoyed by others etc – gnaws away sometimes silently- other times ferociously. And all the time you sit there either making a desperate attempt to get that gold!! Making a pigs ear of it and hurting yourself and others.

Maybe even telling yourself lies about not caring about it, not wanting it, enjoying the simple life etc. You’ll know which – because other areas of your life will be like this too- under or overweight, stomach, skin or digestive problems. Stress, anxiety, depression, OCD type cleanliness versus being completely disorganised, messy etc.

The more you swing between the two – with no balance- the higher and tougher the wall!

The imagination will at times run wild, to the point that you might get the odd nightmare and panic attack at one end. At the other end you have blissful dreams about having managed to acquire said gold, hugging it lovingly before bathing in it, sharing it and doing all of the wonderful things that one could do with it all.

Needless to say, you’ve probably guessed – that gold of which I mention is LIFE itself.

We build up these (imaginary) walls of disbelief, limiting belief (memories, criticisms and judgement) and put them in the way of us getting where we would like to.

Unwilling to then jump the wall- we add to it, skirt around it, blame it, curse it and in some cases, embrace is so much it becomes the very comfort that keeps us ‘safely’ within our comfort zones.

The odd peep over the wall, the odd curiosity or wondering imagination that allows us fleetingly to just imagine – what life would be like without out it – either drives us crazy or drives us at any given moment.

Some soothe themselves with hobbies and distractions in the name of denial, while others find other ways of either controlling elements of their lives (and other peoples too) or will find solace in addictions of one form or other, over-achieving etc.

But taking a good hard look at it, recognising it for what it is- and knowing that it is what is is – bricks and cement (fear, sadness, guilt, anger – I could o on) is just the excuse we create for not climbing it, destroying it or simply giving it (being imaginary and all) a little push enough for it not to be there- a willingness to keep pushing back at it every time it attempts to build back up!

There is a balance to be had. A little fencing is needed in life to keep us genuinely safe from danger, hurt, abuse etc and making awful mistakes, decisions etc - there is a need for boundaries in some cases. But not such that keep everyone trapped inside or out - some gates are needed too - to allow flow in and out.

To release what is in to leave when necessary, and to let in what is needed too.


If getting right up close to it is too much, why not step back as far as you can, until you can barely see it, and then start thinking about what it looks like from there. That little speck!

What is it? What is it doing What has it done? Why? What affect did it have up close – versus what affect its’s having here, so very far away? And one step closer… what now? Is it the same? What are you feeling about it now and what would be needed to make it feel less painful? If something had to change to make it feel as painless as it did as that speck- what is it?

And 2 steps, closer – what needs to change now? What could YOU do? Can anyone help you do it? What do you need to maintain it? And 3 steps closer? Repeat until you’re there … and it has no pain because now – now you are fully equipped with everything you need to push it over, decorate it, or whatever it is you need to do so that you are stronger than that wall.

You built it; YOU WILL knock it down…

And I can't

wait to hear about how you planned it or did it- in fact how you even thought about it – I love it when I hear your stories so don’t keep them to yourselves, your tactic might help someone else take their wall down too!!.

Keep knocking them, til next time!! - I'll talk about other ways of creating this balance so watch this space.

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