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Creating Emotional Security

Let's face it - we live in a time when people are outwardly portraying the idea that they have it all together- because of money, status, possessions, and living a life based on some level of luxury.

I say portraying - because that's the impression they give on social media and the like.

However, at this point - I've worked with everyone from Jo down the road to celebrities and frankly -people are people the world over.

Regardless of the image and story being created- behind the pictures are people just like you who at times feel anxious, powerless, insecure and vulnerable. They too feel low, they procrastinate and compare themselves to others - exactly the same way as the next person.

These things that they use to portray these ideas are all external- what about the real person? When you pull away all of these external things - who are they? and how are they really?

Avoidance and worry are their bedrock - but the truth (whether we like or not) is that there are no ways around, under or over these thoughts of "why me?" and "what if?"- they have to be confronted! Not the fist fight and scream-in-your face type confrontation either.

The confrontation whereby you open up a dialogue and communicate with the issue you face (to it- not about it) and directly too.

How? There's some thoughts and feelings locked away on the inside of you- lets take a look...and see what these are. Lets ask some questions. Challenge your perspective- with instilling Hope, Opportunity and Giving you Control.

How are you giving away your power?

Becoming vulnerable is a process. So much so that for many this will happen slowly and gradually and unnoticeably. Inch by inch - giving away your power by focusing on pleasing others - for a sense of belonging / to fit in/ be accepted or seen even.

Allowing the opinions or power of others be the thing that allows you to feel accepted, valued or taken care of.

Regardless of the method - your self worth shrinks- and powerlessness grows in its place- like a shadow- powerlessness accompanies you everywhere in all things - at all times.

Hope / Opportunity and Control Point: Observing how you interact with others - not giving them any power nor trying to take it -but instead viewing them as equal to you will create balance and genuine acceptance of who you are - not what you think they need you to be. If they're a great person, capable of attracting other great people - then so are you! Not by comparison- but by equality. They have the same qualities you do just by both being human. However you are unique - and that is your gift- that separates you from others.

Are you married to Martyrdom?

For most it will be hard to know when they first doubted their self worth-because it probably happened in childhood. However once this happen and it begins to grow - the message of "I don't really matter/ I don't count" sets-in. Other people and their opinions become important.

Now from a spiritual or religious perspective - its great to experience some level of pain, suffering - to understand what this feels like from the experience of others. This can be anything from fasting, minimalism, donating time, things or money to charity etc - in order to know what it is to 'have less / nothing'.

These things have a 'higher purpose'. There is no 'holes' left by these. There is a mutual exchange. You receive a sense (gratitude, purpose, accomplishment, the joy of others etc - all give you back something).

However - where there is no purpose. When giving away all you have physically, mentally, emotionally - there no exchanges. You give in a way that becomes all-consuming.

Worry, stress and vulnerability fill the gaps - in the lack of exchange and so - you become a victim of selflessness or selfless giving. The heart and mind have little to no rest and with time - this can become an addiction.

Selfless giving / becoming a martyr can lead to all sorts of in the name of doing a good act for someone else. It's feels as if it's spiritually rewarding.

Yet- this encourages more victimisation. Forgiving and tolerating abuse- a spouse, a neighbour, a colleague. Bringing this upon yourself - trying to see the best in someone else to the detriment of self. This validates the feeling of 'powerlessness'.

Worse still, there is absolutely no shortage of people that enable this addiction- abusers, addicts, anger/guilt/ shame/ control-oholics, and petty people who enable and thrive on the selflessness of others.

Hope / Opportunity and Control Point: If you're the one giving in this way- the single most important thing to remember in this role - is that it it a voluntary one! Despite all else, there is no healthy exchange AND there is no end of alternative, healthier choices!!

Are you choosing Kidulthood over Adulthood?

In order for you to successfully transition from being a child to an adult - you will have used your self power for a sense of achievement.

From ideas that were shared within your upbringing - you will have made some choices around what these were and conformed (or gone against the grain) to make these happen.

Regardless of whether these achievements were academic, vocational, physical, mental, or spiritual - you will have accepted them as challenges ahead and worked your way through.

You had some preconceived ideas that you've bought into- and set to work.

Unlike the kitten who had no choice but to grow up and become a fully grown and functioning cat. You as a human being have made choices around what your maturity looks like. This happens by you having an idea- placing yourself and all of your efforts into that idea - using your power.

You had an idea - that using your power of imagination, determination and desire - went into the business of creating.

Buying into the idea of failing, listening to others and no longer creating ideas that you follow through on - is the opposite of using your power. You begin living out the lie that is the stories you and others tell yourself about why you haven't used your power.

Becoming the character in a story that you are not the author of - because the author creates, changes and makes their own story.

Hope / Opportunity and Control Point: Whether it is telling yourself what you cant do / wont do or want to do- they are all the same. The story you create and therefore live. Create your own story- be the author and narrator for yourself - not others.

Are you following the yellow brick road, or just chasing pavements?

(Do you see what I did there?) I digress! back to the point in hand!

The single most powerful gift you can honour yourself with is revealing yourself unto yourself. Discovering yourself as a goal!

Once you know and understand this - your life can only be better in revealing more of itself for you to evolve within.

That's not to say that this is all easy- but is easier than you'd think.

A simple list AND understanding what this list means AND how to use it - its that level of simple.

The difficulty comes in the form of you paying attention to and falling into old habits.

But lets face it we all have habits so you can also break them too- with or without help.

The gift and curse of being human (like it/ agree or not) is that individually, we all desire to have more and better things for ourselves. It's that desire that gives us purpose (towards living- the yellow brick road) or lack of - which opposingly fills us with acting towards self destruction- pavements).

Towards living or to bring forth life are things such as truth, virtue, happiness, peace.

Self destruction being the opposite.

To live a life of fulfilment- You would need to think, be and act towards living. This is without doubt the most powerful of all power.

It gives purpose and reason towards a good life.

In simple terms - it supports the idea that you live well - by asking yourself (honestly and genuinely) whether your choices are towards life- and to use your own free will - to make decisions as such.

So!! Having asked all of those questions of yourself - how will you use your power - and the power of choice, free will and creativity?

If this is something you want to move forward - book a Clarity Session with me.

Here you'll discover what your blocks are- the stories that you've been told and accepted, the LIST - that shows you - your own yellow brick road and uncovers your truth. The truth about what you really desire AND what habits need to go!

If you're ready for that level of Clarity, Control and to be the Creator and author of your life!

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