Many of us struggle with acceptance one way or another.
Each of us will have a natural thought or feeling that we find negative and somehow try to bury, ignore, replace, or otherwise avoid.
The thought or feeling never actually goes away and instead may quietly or not so quietly fester and grow while you're busy trying to forget its very existence.
Eventually what happens is that over time you'll develop a habit to help manage this negative feeling.
The productively focused type of person may try things like focusing on work, studying, the gym or some other means of achievement. However the deeper the pain caused by ignoring the issues, the more unhealthy this habit could become.
Eating disorders, addictions, over working or over achieving, going so hard at any thing thay means not having to deal with the real issue - until the point of exhaustion.
The less productively focused may busy themselves with more creative habits, solving other people problems, starting (and rarely finishing) projects - skipping from one bright, new and exciting idea to another.
Realistically speaking, on some level all people do this because the alternative in some cases is to be all consumed by the issue.
So temporary focus on a separate task, duty or idea can be useful. This is especially true when you have important matters to tend do.
Nonetheless, a bid to make 'everything else' seem more important than these issues is simply avoidance.
The act of avoidance for many serves a very unique intention. To protect yourself from the emotional and mental upheaval of having to feel the pain that can overwhelm you, to what you imagine to be no return.
As a feeling, that appears very real and so it becomes the shield by which you 'manage' the issue....until eventually....it manages you! You crash into the very place you'd been so busy avoiding!
Newsflash!!! You have successfully managed 100% of all of yoir previous issues!
FACT! Your very reading this now is testament to your survival to all of your previous issues.
There was a time when you wondered if you were going to make it past that thing....and look at you now!! Here- breathing and reading and everything!! I'd bet the idea of reading this back then would have sent you into a spin, it would have been too close, too real, too painful!
Not agreeing to crash, not giving in, not crumbling,.but simply acknowledgement that something has happened AND acknowledging that you have some thoughts and feeling about it- is the very beginning of how you can free yourself of the pain.
You'll be aware of its (the issue) existence and the thoughts and feelings coming up for you, while managing and handling these because you can!
To acknowledge that you (being human, wonderful and at times hurt) are currently feeling something that you are uncomfortable with, allow you to process.
What makes it uncomfortable? Why? How uncomfortable? What would make it slightly less uncomfortable? What would help to make it just slightly less painful?
All of these questions give you a key to becoming clear on what exactly you're feeling, accepting there is a feeling and beginning to process the thought AND the feeling.
The issue becomes less painful, more manageable and begins to shrink, its gone from this mountainous issue, to a pocket-sized feeling, by your breathing life into you restoring control.
Until then, you were of the belief that you had no control and so this thing was controlling you
1 step, one question at a time... and before you know it.... its gone!
Some would call this Confront your fears but instead its to communicate to them. Opening a dialogue with yourself about what is really happening vs what your thoughts and feelings are, bring you into present time.
The other options are to recall all of the times you've felt similarly out of control beforehand (depressing the feeling) or worrying about how you could spin out and completely lose it (anxious about the feeling).
So here's my challenge to you.... the next time you feel that familiar rise of anxiety as a negative thought creeps in, say hi to it.
Ask it what its protecting you from feeling or thinking, and why? What would make it feel slightly less so, and let that answer breathe. Let that answer be the thing that you act on to give you some control.
Go about your day and as it rises again repeat, what would make it slightly less again?
Acceptance!! The Key to Clarity and Communication with your fears!!!
Til next time ....